my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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