i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
