i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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