the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
