Whod you bang
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I love having hate sex.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
