I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
