why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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