Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
