If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
