Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
