that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
