i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
