This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
