it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
