Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
