I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
