I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
