At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
