at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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