i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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