Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
