Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
