Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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