i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
