my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
