In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
