happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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