I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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