im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
