wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
