i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
