dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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