I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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