its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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