Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
