I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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