i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
