They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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