are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
