just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
