so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
