it hurts more in the daytime
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
