dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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