Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I checked into jail on foursquare
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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