apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
