I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
