I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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