tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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