My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
