I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
