sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
